Thursday, February 17, 2011

I skipped a step today...

I skipped a step today. I just had that sudden random urge to throw the whole universe off track from its mechanistic fate-building process.

With my mind's eye, I saw my alternate self fade out into another world-line of a parallel universe, whatever that means.

I, on the other hand, am on an entirely un-mapped spacetime that no one, nor nothing, ever planned. And I rejoice!

“Ha-ha-ha! Bet ya didn’t see that coming!”

This feels like an escape from what the universe meant for me. And all it took was a random skip, from out of the blue--totally not premeditated--without any reason at all.

“Woohoo! Neat trick, huh?!”

Only after I skipped that step, am I now just formulating the reason for doing it--the Cause. Had I thought about the “cause” before I actually skipped that step, the universe would have known my motive and caught me again in it’s grasp of fate. The reason for skipping that step was non-existent before I did it. The Effect came before the Cause.

“Ha! The universe could never have guessed that. Yeah!”

Skipping that step gave me control. However illusory it may be, I still liked to imagine a cosmic ray that had been travelling for thousands of years in Earth’s direction, that dodged other stars, and bypassed other planets, and skipped other beings within it’s path. It’s a pinpoint of pure energy, from a supernova lightyears away, destined to hit one of my neurons and knock off an electron, dislodge an atom, and cause a mutation, lead to brain cancer that would then kill me. But I just avoided that by my random skip of a step.

“Take that, Cosmos! Heh!”

So I basked in the moment, and all the moments, of what may have been hours, days or years. For the life of me, I could not understand why I suddenly now feel a tightening in my chest. A sharp pain in the spot where I think my heart is. I grabbed my wrist and felt my pulse.


I never thought I would feel my pulse in this kind of rhythm. I think i’ve once read an article about chaos theory, that a tiny bit of chaos in the heart rate is vital. Now I can feel every strand of chaos in each throb of my heart.


These irregular pulses...quite entertaining.. ..unpredictable.. ...never.. .knowing... ..when.. ..the. one...will... .. .

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